Self Regulation and Baby Led Solids

Two things in my arsenal that have saved my sanity!

  Self regulation is a new one for me.  Ianto had always had a bed time, and it had always been a struggle.  It got worse when Anouke was born as I was the only one who could get him to sleep and obviously Anouke needed me too.  In theory we should have been able to work around this as there were 2 parents at that stage, but that is a whole other story!  After I embraced the life of a single mother, things changed slowly.  The first big bedtime change was that Ianto joined myself and Anouke in the family bed.  Previously he had been sleeping in his own room at the other end of the house and it was just too difficult to settle him for sleep and deal with any night time wakings when it involved getting out of bed, walking to the other end of the house, squatting beside him and calming him down... Plus it would inevitably happen right when Anouke needed a feed...  So we all snuggled into the one bed and I would spend hours singing the 2 of them to sleep.  I would be hoarse and exhausted and we would all be stressed.  Slowly this has changed, helped by living at 42 degrees south which means that at this time of year it is nearly 10 pm before it gets dark and I usually forget the time!  Now there is no set routine around bedtime as there is no bedtime.  When Anouke starts to get tired I wander off to the bedroom and lie down with her and feed her.  Usually she will pass out within minutes because she is tired and actually ready for bed.  Ianto isn't usually ready at the same time and he will either potter around with his toys in the play room or join us in the bedroom and watch something on the computer.  Usually he just falls asleep next to me when he is ready.

Allowing them to self regulate when they go to sleep has lead to Ianto learning what he feels like when he is tired and he will now express that and request to be able to sit and have some quiet time if he needs it.  He also just goes to sleep and wakes up when he is ready.  It has made a huge difference - we are no longer arguing about him going to sleep, and I'm sure it is nicer for him to go to sleep after a relaxed evening than after a shouty one!  Anouke has never been sleep trained so still follows her natural cues and automatically self regulates - and is a very happy baby.

At first I thought that letting them self regulate bedtime would mean that I got no time to myself, but to be honest, I get it in the mornings when they both sleep til at least 8.30, usually longer.  Sometimes I will get up after they are asleep, but mostly I just want to read in my alone time anyway so being snuggled between my small ones is no drama - in winter especially it is lovely to have 2 warm small people making sleepy noises beside me as I snuggle down with a good book!

The next self regulation challenge is watching stuff on the computer.  I got rid of the tv as it was just on all day, but as Ianto is used to it (having watched things on it since he was tiny) it is still his first port of call when he is bored.  If he does watch it constantly he gets very angry and frustrated easily as he is not using up any energy.  So I'm hoping if I stop dictating how much he can watch, he will stop wanting to so much.  This involves a change in my behaviour as well, as I know if I go outside and do things the kids will too and if I am more present rather than trying to do stuff and hoping they entertain themselves then he is less likely to resort to tv and computer games to entertain himself.

I have also done baby led solids with Anouke - basically letting her choose when and whether she has solid food instead of breast milk.  This has meant that at 13 months she is only just starting to want more than a taste of solid food, but she eats a huge variety as she is used to getting different flavours through my breast milk.  Her immune system is great and she is certainly not wasting away - being already the size her brother was at 18 months!  It has also saved me the fuss and bother of mush.  She pretty much just has what is on my plate and is very good at picking what she is and isn't able to handle at her stage of development.

It really is amazing how much we and our children know when we start to trust ours and thier instincts.