privlige

I am privileged because I am white.
I am privileged because I am Christian.
I am privileged because I am slim.
I am privileged because I live in a developed country.
I am privileged because I finished my education up to Year 12.
I am privileged with access to free healthcare and further education is within my reach if I want it.
I am privileged to live in a developed country where fresh water and food can be taken for granted.

I am also privileged that when I found myself in an abusive relationship I had the support of the community to leave and keep myself and my children safe.

There are many ways in which I experience the other end of privilege - where I am not the one experiencing it.  I am a woman, a single mother, I don't have a university education and have been out of the work force for 2.5 years.  I can't afford to "keep up with the Jones'" (and don't want to).  There are things I chose which affect the way that I am seen and treated - I chose to leave the work force to look after my children full time.  I chose to embrace my womanhood in all its natural glory.  I chose to remove myself and my children from the mainstream consumer driven norm (something which I am still working on!).  I chose not to continue my education.  All these choices have freed me however.  I have been the one to make these choices.  Making these choices has empowered me to live a life that is closer to my ideals and ethical choices.  And this is perhaps my biggest privilege.  The ability to choose.

So without lessening my pain at being a woman in a patriarchy, without lessening the struggles that we still face 100 years after women won the right to vote, I like to ensure that I remember the ways in which I AM privileged, and the struggles that are so much harder for many women all over the world.  Women who can't get an education, access to vital healthcare when it is needed, and for whom access to food and clean water means a hike that takes most of the day for not enough to feed their family.  Women who are forced to stay in marriages a lot more abusive than the one I left so easily in comparison.  Women who if they manage to leave an abusive relationship find there chance of getting murdered actually increases, who have to work around the clock just to pay the rent, who find their chances of physical assault and murder increases just because they have a life within their womb.    Not all these apply only to developing countries, many of these apply to women living in developed countries such as Australia, the USA and the UK.


We're clearly soldiers in petticoats
And dauntless crusaders for woman's votes
Though we adore men individually
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid!

Cast off the shackles of yesterday!
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray!
Our daughters' daughters will adore us
And they'll sign in grateful chorus
"Well done, Sister Suffragette!"

From Kensington to Billingsgate
One hears the restless cries!
From ev'ry corner of the land:
"Womankind, arise!"
Political equality and equal rights with men!
Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!

No more the meek and mild subservients we!
We're fighting for our rights, militantly!
Never you fear!

So, cast off the shackles of yesterday!
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray!
Our daughters' daughters will adore us
And they'll sign in grateful chorus
"Well done! Well done!
Well done Sister Suffragette!"


Music: Richard M. + Robert B. Sherman
Lyrics: Richard M. + Robert B. Sherman
Premiere: 1964
from the Mary Poppins soundtrack

Broken

sigh - while bravely rescuing my children from the clutches of the lesser known Tasmanian Crocodile I managed to break the end off my fibula.  One word - ow.  Repeated many, many times. 
This then lead to convoluted borrowings of strangers phones as I had of course left mine at home to call my grand parents and TLW.  TLW brought my phone and the Grandfather drove my car with me and the kids to the ER while the Grandmother drove their car behind us.  Met Mum at the ER and the Grandfather then had to take Mum's car back to her house where the Grandmother picked him up and they went home.  Phew!

Meanwhile, Mum, small people and I sat and waited.  And waited.  Then when I lost feeling in my toes (I'd left my Doc Marten on to fulfil the Compression part of RICE) the nurse finally came to take my boot off and triage me - oh, impressive swelling localised over ankle bone.  Was sat in a very comfortable recliner wheel chair and popped in a corner to wait.  We arrived at about 1pm.  I had xrays taken.  After a couple of hours Mum took the small people to the supermarket for supplies other than chocolate bars and chips which is apparently all the hospital can supply. They arrived back after 45 minutes or so and I still hadn't been called.  Waited for another hour, still no call.  Mum went to find out what was happening because if it was just a sprain we could just go to a chemist for bandages and crutches and go home.  They told her that it was a fracture and I had been called but hadn't answered - apparently sticking ones head out the door and saying a name without entering the waiting room works...  Or not.  Eventually Mum had words about small children having to wait in the ER while the drunk drivers and other detritus of saturday night were coming in and Anouke threw a tanty and I got through!  Mum took smalls home for tea and after another hour I was plastered, crutched and sent home - it was 8 pm when I arrived home!

Today went much smoother when I had to go back for a full cast now that the swelling has disappeared.  I had an early appointment which was only 5 minutes late, got a new cast, got new xrays, talked to the registrar - 6 weeks no weight bearing, no driving - and came home.  So the next few weeks will be complicated.  No driving makes life difficult but I'm sure we will get buy.

Weather and then some

Wow.  What a winter it has been!  A phenomenally wet April that burst the banks of the creek at the bottom of the property, and now we have just had a week of snow!  Not on our place, but the road into Hobart was closed yesterday.  Its the kid of winter stuff I remember from when I was in primary school, which is about 20 years ago now.  The small people loved sitting on top of the highest point of the road last week and catching snowflakes in their hands out the window of the car.
Today has dawned crisp and clear and beautiful.  the sun is out and the sky is blue albeit with a bit of wind and some grey clouds around the horizon.
Today the housemates head off on a holiday with their assorted children for a few days.  Its sort of a holiday for us too - being in the house by ourselves is a rare thing.   I haven't had to cook dinner months because I am on wash up duty so there is a novelty factor involved with it now lol.

I've had  a request for rainbow gloves from both small people so need to finish spinning up the wool they have chosen too so I can do that...  so much to do and so little time.

musings on being a single parent

yeah, was moving my blog, did, not posting back here for some reason...  who knows?
What is getting me today is a realisation of what I miss.  Its not the physical intimacy of a relationship, although that would be nice sometimes.  It is the help with the day to day.  I've never had what I am missing but it would be nice on days like today where I have woken up with shocking PMS and just want to hide from the world to be able to say "I discount myself from parenting on the grounds that I will be crap at it today."
It would be nice sometimes when feeling this crap to have someone around so that I could fall, and be caught and nurtured.  Cos at this time in my cycle I need nurturing.  I find I don't have the energy to nurture my children (and really, they are being fantastic today, both woke up in good moods and have been pretty much amusing themselves) because I need to reserve all my energy for myself.  So it would be nice to know that there was someone around who I could rely on to pick up the peices at the end of today.

moving the blog

http://luckydipdays.dreamwidth.org/

To get away from the google machine a bit I've moved to dreamwidth. 

All or nothing/being in the moment

I was pondering this in the car today.  I do a lot of things all or nothing.  If I'm going to do something and I fall down on one part of it then I throw the whole lot in.  This happens particularly with parenting I have noticed.  The day can start off fine, with every one happy and in a good mood but if one grumpy thing happens then I carry that with me for the rest of the day.  I've shouted once so I might as well continue shouting.  I've lost my cool once so I might as well just stay grumpy.  Its a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy and really quite counterproductive!  Why would I want to stay grumpy?! 

A more productive and harmonious way to go about the day would be to stay in the moment and take each moment as it comes.  When a tantrum happens, deal with it, reconnect and move on.  On days when I manage that tantrums happen less, things flow better and life is easier.

The trouble is, realising this and putting it into practice are very different.  The reality is that I am a single mother.  90% of my time at least is spent just me, a 4 year old and a 21 month old.  It takes energy to answer a gazillion "why?" questions with patience and good will.  It takes energy to sit with Ianto and reconnect with him when he has just hurt Anouke because she ruined his game.  It takes energy to support Anouke through a day when she is tired and cranky because she hasn't slept well/is teething/is sick/is developing a new skill and the only way she has to tell me this is by following me around whining. 


All of this takes energy, and recognising that the energy investment will be worth it - that takes energy too.  And to be honest, I don't seem to have that energy!  I am making plans to try and make sure I get the little bit of quiet time I need.  Our future housing plans mean that I should be able to take 5 or 10 minutes a day when it is just quiet, or at least once a week.  I plan to try and go for a walk every day as often as I can to get out in the fresh air and get some exercise.  I plan to turn the computer off more often during the day and interact with the small people more often and more completely.  I have all these plans and I plan to try and start implementing them now when I can.  Hopefully I can remember that energy invested now will be repaid by energy not needed later...

We had a holiday

A couple of weeks ago now, but what can I say?  I'm a slack blogger.  We headed up to Lismore to stay with Kestrel for a few days.  Glorious, sun filled, relaxing days with good friends and many children playing together.  We spent a day at Byron Bay soaking up the sun, walked around the lighthouse and had ice cream.  We visited the car boot market and bought lots of bright colourful clothes for ourselves while Ianto had a massive tanty lol.  Kestrel was wonderful and it was so great to see her after a year or so.  Hopefully this will become a fairly regular thing because we came back refreshed and ready to go again.
We also spent a couple of days in Melbourne.  Hung out with Aunt S at the zoo and dragged Ianto all around the Aquarium before getting on the plane back home.  The small people loved seeing all the animals and fish.  The elephants and penguins were probably the favourites, although the Aslans were up there as well!

Speaking of Aslans, Ianto has an imaginary family now - a mummy Aslan, a daddy Aslan and 2 baby Aslans.  They only come out when he is feeling a bit insecure but I figure that is how he is dealing with it and it works so why argue? 


Spring has sprung yesterday - we have a clean house and a big vase of daffodils from the garden brightening up the kitchen.  The mornings are starting to be clear and bright and sunny with the promise of summer days not too far away.